


Bet Your Ass

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-12
Updated: 2010-06-19
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3502862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered where the expression “you bet your ass” came from?  Well, Dethklok wonders that too.  And Nathan challenges everyone to actually do it.<br/>Warnings: Gen that turns into porn. Also bad food combinations and puking.  And then porn.  Did I mention porn?</p><p>There are 2 versions of this (as chapters here) and they are the same except for who wins and what comes after.<br/>Because I wrote the first one and people said "But what if...?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bet Your Ass

_*And you enter this fic at a random point in conversation*_

“Some warriors, somewhere, used to do that. Fuck their enemies in the ass after a battle. I can’t fucking remember where I read that, but they did.”  
“I schaw that too! That’sch probably why we tell people to ‘watch their assch’, becausche of that.”  
Dude, what ‘bout ‘ya bet yer ass’, what’s thet ‘bout? The same thing or, ya know, donkeys or sahmthin’?”  
Toki found that one funny. “Don’ts lose you’s donkey, Pickle!”

Nathan wasn’t going to be sidetracked that easily. “No! I bet it’s like, you say that because that’s the most serious bet you can make? And if you lose, you get ass raped or something? That’s really brutal. So brutal that I would make that bet!” He looked around at them all. “Would you do it, would you make that bet? Like... in a contest or something?”  
“That’sch repugnant!” Murderface crossed his arms and glared.  
“What’s the matters, Moiderface? Too brutals for you?” Murderface glared harder, Toki shrugged. “I’d does it.”

Well if _Toki_ would risk it, how could they all do any less?  
“Fines den, I ams in too.” Sex was just sex, right?  
Pickles raised his bottle. “Okie.”  
They all looked at Murderface. He looked back, clearly not wanting to agree but feeling he had no choice now. He managed a nod.  
It hadn’t really sunk in completely yet, what they might be getting themselves into.

“Well if we’re goin’ ta do this, what’s tha contest?” This would have probably been a good thing to know ahead of time, but it was too late for that now.  
Nathan thought fast, wanting it to look fair but be something that he could win. “Um... Eating! I’ll make something horrible, the worst thing I can think of! And all you have to do is eat more of it than me! I bet you won’t.”  
Nobody looked scared, if Nathan would eat it then it couldn’t be all that bad. And if Nathan _wouldn’t_ eat it, then they just won by default. They all nodded agreeably.

Nathan stood up. “Okay, you bet your ass. Like, literally. If I win, I get to fuck you, _all_ of you. If you win... well, I guess you get to fuck me. But that’s not going to happen!”  
“Don’ts be so sures Nathans, you’s met some of de tings dat I eats.” Skwisgaar could eat GMILFs for dinner and cough up a grey hairball afterwards. He was sure the others couldn’t match that feat.  
As usual, they all ignored his comment, not wanting to picture that. After all, they were going to have to eat soon. Food, not....  
But they were starting to realize what was at stake here.

Pickles prepared by eating a handful of pills and washing it down with a large amount of alcohol. Skwisgaar started playing his guitar, as usual. It kept him from thinking too much about what might happen.  
Murderface was quietly psyching himself up, and Toki didn’t even look worried. Hell, he probably didn’t even understand, but that was his problem.  
It was time to go make terrible food. “I’ll be back.” Nathan headed for the kitchen to see what he could find.

****

Nathan returned a short while later, carrying a plate piled high with brown, crusty, log-like things with green crap stuck to them. He proudly set it in the middle of the coffee table.  
“What tha fuck is thet?”  
“Uh, chocolate covered turkey bacon. With capers. If any of you can eat more of them than me, you win. If I eat more then you, your asses are mine! Oh, and if you puke you lose.”  
They all looked closer, the plate was emitting a very odd aroma. The chocolate smell mingled with the crappy turkey bacon odor (Whose was that anyway? They didn’t eat it.) and the strong pickled olive stink of the capers clashed horribly with both. They probably tasted as bad as they smelled.

Murderface turned a greenish shade as he eyed the turd-ish, dick-shaped foods.  
Skwisgaar wasn’t looking so good either. “I don’t tink dis ams a very good ideas afters all...”  
“Too late Skwisgaar, you agreed! You _all_ agreed!”  
Pickles chugged the rest of his bottle and nodded weakly.  
Only Toki seemed to be okay with it, eyeing the chocolate. Shit, Toki... candy... he probably should have picked something else. Well, too late now.

“Everybody take one! We’ll like, eat them one at a time.” Nathan picked up a mossy meat log, and waited until everyone was holding one. Then he took a bite, trying not to gag, and watched the others. It was worse than he’d expected, the bacon wasn’t fully cooked, a soft greasy twist entombed in cheap chocolate. And the capers... they were just disgusting.  
Murderface tried, but he just couldn’t force himself to actually put that monstrosity in his mouth. It was the shape that was getting to him, as Nathan had known it would. Eat the thing or get fucked in the ass by Nathan...  
He couldn’t do it, his only hope was that somebody else would manage to out eat Nathan. He flung it away.

Skwisgaar bravely took a bite, but gagged on the combination of flavors. He managed to swallow, and forced down another bite. He was sweating, and looked like he might puke at any moment.  
Pickles simply crammed the whole thing in his mouth, and was holding his nose while he chewed. He swallowed, and washed it down with a big drink from a new bottle.  
“Pickles, that’s cheating! You can’t chase it!”  
“Ya didn’t say-“ Nathan was glaring, “Fine, I won’t do it again.” It was going to be a lot harder if he couldn’t burn the taste out immediately afterwards.

Toki ate his piece, he looked like he might actually enjoy the taste. Uh oh.  
Nathan had finished his, and Skwisgaar has somehow gotten the rest of his down. Time for another piece.  
Murderface was out, he’d moved to sit on the couch and watch. After all, his ass was on the line here, and it was up to one of his bandmates to save his ass from Nathan. So he would stay and watch, it was better to know about these things.  
Nathan started on a new piece of horror, chewing determinedly.

Skwisgaar made it halfway before his stomach revolted. Staggering up he ran for the trash can and threw up. He was out. Wiping his mouth, he joined Murderface on the couch. It was down to Toki and Pickles now.  
Pickles used the same technique as before, holding his nose and eating as fast as he could. But without the alcohol chaser, it was clear that the aftertaste was getting to him.  
Toki seemed to be holding up, or else was just really good at hiding it. With him you never could be sure, but he did eat some pretty odd things sometimes...

Nathan hadn’t expected _any_ of them to eat these at all, much less being faced with eating a third one himself. But he was determined, losing was not an option. He took another piece and bit into it.  
It was then that Pickles passed out. Well, he’d chugged almost a bottle’s worth on top of how drunk and high he’d already been, so this wasn’t too surprising. But it did mean he couldn’t keep eating.  
Toki and Nathan finished their pieces and picked up two more, glaring at each other across the table.

A few more pieces later, Nathan was in trouble. He ws gagging badly with every bite and knew he could throw up at any time. But he had to beat Toki first, he _had_ to!  
Almost obscenely, Toki licked traces of chocolate off his fingers. Another piece...  
Eyes locked, they chewed.  
Nathan was sweating freely now, trembling with the strain of trying to hold down his outraged stomach as he chewed even more to add to it.

Suddenly he couldn’t stop it anymore. Toki scrambled back as Nathan puked violently all over the table and the remaining bastardized foods.  
It was over then, Toki had won! He stood, raising his arms like a prize fighter. Skwisgaar and Murderface congratulated him gratefully. Pickles was still unconscious on the floor, but he’d be fine. He always was. And he’d be grateful too, whenever he woke up.

Nathan groaned in defeat. “Toki? You’re not like, _really_ going to do it. Are you?”  
“You bets you’s ass Nathan, I gots to collects. It’s onlys fair. Besides, you would has done it to me.”  
“Um.... right _here_?” In front of the others?  
“Nots if you don’ts wants to, we can goes to you’s room. Or mine, I really don’ts care.” Toki was waiting expectantly.  
The others were watching them intently.

Was there any way out of this? “Toki... are you gay or something?”  
“Noes. It’s like you says, nots gay if you does it after a battles. Now goes to you’s room!”  
He had to keep his word, so Nathan went. He was hoping that Toki was too drunk to remember to find him in here. The problem with that was, he was pretty sure Toki was sober tonight. Or at least pretty close to it,.  
He was screwed. Well, he would be.

Toki showed up not long after, carrying a bottle of lube. “Gets naked!”  
“Toki... can we like, don’t do it and pretend we did?”  
“Sorries, that’s not an options.” He tapped his foot impatiently. “Still waitings for you to gets naked.”  
Suppressing a groan, Nathan complied. He was thinking. “Fuck... If we have to do this, tie me up. There’s uh, some handcuffs in the top drawer.”

That was an unexpected turn. “Whys?”  
“To stop me from killing you when you try to stick your dick in my ass, why do you think?!” This didn’t need to end in having to find a new guitarist.  
“I don’ts think you’s going to does that, but okays.” Toki got the cuffs and locked Nathan’s wrists low on the bedframe, using both sets. This way he could still use his hands to support himself and would probably be more comfortable.  
Comfort wasn’t really high on Nathan’s list of worries right then.

Toki took his own clothes off and climbed on the bed as well.  
“Toki? Are you _sure_ you’re not gay?”  
“You knows I’s not gay.” They’d already been over this.  
“Then why are we doing this?!”  
“Because you makes the bet! You woulds have fucks us all, it’s only fairs.”   
He couldn’t deny that. It was just that he’d never expected to lose.

Toki patted him on the ass. “I bet you’s tighter than a goil.”  
“Oh god Toki, please don’t say shit like that! It’s just... _really_ creepy. Just get this over with!”  
“Noes. I’s going to makes you likes it, don’ts worry.”  
“No! Just... rape me or whatever! I don’t, you know, think I’m okay with liking it. If it’s even something that people really like?” Liking it would be way too gay. He wasn’t gay. “It’s supposed to be bad, not good!”

Toki laughed and poured some lube into his hand. “This is punishment, rights? So which is worse, Nathan? Being rapes or hasing to likes it?”  
“Liking it!” He’d answered without thinking, then realized the trap. “No! I mean, getting raped is way worse!”  
“Too lates.” Toki worked a finger into him, then held still. “I gives you a minute to gets used to this. Don’ts worry, I knows what I’s doing.”

“ _How_ do you know?” He was trying to ignore the finger, and stall for time.  
“Because I’s not afraid to tries new stuff. I figures if the gays like it so much, it must feel pretty goods. So I experiments a little.”  
“So, uh...” He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know, “ _Does_ it feel good?”  
“Yes.” He started working his finger, getting Nathan used to the sensations. “Stops fighting it, you knows I’s going to wins.”

Nathan wasn’t going to give in that easily. “So who’s been fucking you? Skwisgaar, I bet. He’ll fuck anyone.”  
“ _Nobody’s_ been fuckings me, I just plays around on my own! But I’s about to be fuckings you.”  
“But I thought you didn’t even know what your ‘codpiece’ was!”  
Toki snorted. “I’s not that stupid, of course I knows what it is. Why did you think I buys it?” While Nathan was distracted, he slipped another finger in. 

“Nathan, trusts me. I don’t wants to hurts you, and I will if you don’t lets me get you good and readies. You wants to walk tomorrows, don’ts you? I knows what I’s talking abouts, I does it too fast one time. Oh boy it really hurts laters!”  
“Huh. I don’t remember you being hurt or anything.” Surely they all would have noticed something like that, at least to make jokes. And his attempts to make Toki forget about this weren’t working _at all_.  
“I hides it good, but it wasn’t easies. But don’ts worry, I takes real good care of you.”

Regretting that he’d requested being restrained, Nathan had nowhere to go, couldn’t escape. Toki’s fingers pressed deeper, twisting now. Damnit, he wanted it to feel bad, to hurt! It didn’t. He wasn’t sure if he actually _liked_ it, but...   
Okay, he liked it. “Damnit Toki, why won’t you just rape me?!” He didn’t _care_ if he suffered later, this just... wasn’t acceptable.  
His only answer was another finger, gently stretching him more. He held very still, refusing to respond. He could at least _pretend_ he didn’t like it, that was all he could do.  
“I think you’s ready.” The fingers withdrew, and Toki moved into position.

Nathan freaked out, he couldn’t help it. He yanked futilely on the cuffs, but there was no way he could break free. He felt Toki grab his hip, and when that didn’t work, his cock.  
He hadn’t expected _that_. Nathan froze in surprise, accidently giving Toki the opportunity to enter him. He tried to clamp down, to stop him, but it was too late. He was already inside.  
Toki held still and waited for Nathan to calm down and accept him, lightly stroking the cock in his hand.

Nathan wasn’t in an accepting mood, and the gentle handling was only making it worse. He tried ineffectively to buck Toki off, but was horrified to discover that the movement felt _good_. He froze again, helpless.  
With an evil chuckle, Toki started making comments. “Oh Nathan, you feels so good. You really is tighter than a goil. You-“  
“Toki! Please shut the hell up, _please_!” This was humiliating enough without the commentary.

Grinning, Toki obeyed and started moving, long slow strokes. He worked Nathan’s cock to match, having read somewhere that it was impolite to do this and not give a reach around. He hadn’t been kidding though, Nathan did feel _really_ good.  
Nathan was now grateful that he was cuffed. As he saw it, he was trapped, he’d tried to get away and failed, therefore he was not gay. He was fighting to remain still, to not push back to meet the thrusts. To remain passive. Toki was right, it _did_ feel good. He didn’t like that.

Toki was enjoying himself. Win the contest and then fuck the loser, it was a very powerful feeling. He understood why those people used to do it. The fact that it was _Nathan_ only made it sweeter, he felt like he was on top of the world. He picked up the pace.  
Nathan couldn’t fight it anymore, the pleasure was overwhelming. He’d heard there was a spot that felt good, but he’d never imagined it could feel like this. The angle wasn’t quite ideal, instead of firm pressure Toki’s cock was merely brushing, teasing mercilessly. His focus had shrunk to that sensation, and how to get more of it.

Toki had noticed the change, of course. He’d known he’d be able to make Nathan like it, but this was better than he’d expected. His goal now was to get Nathan off before he came, which wouldn’t be long at all at this pace.  
The cuffs did offer some range of motion, so Nathan tried angling his body. When he got it right, the slow spiraling pleasure he’d been chasing suddenly exploded and he shoved back hard against Toki with a grunt, only vaguely aware that he’d just came all over his pillow.  
That was all Toki could take, with a final hard thrust he came as well.

And then it was over.  
Toki pulled out carefully, and retrieved the key to the cuffs. He unlocked them a little warily, half expecting Nathan to attack him as soon as he had the chance, but Nathan didn’t move.  
Then slowly he sat back, rubbing his wrists. There were some red marks from when he’d fought the restraints, but no real damage.  
However, something else quickly occurred to him.

“You didn’t use a condom.” It wasn’t a question.  
“Nope, you knows we both gots nothing, don’t need one.”  
“But... I think I’m like, _leaking_.” Or bleeding, but he really didn’t think it was that. It _hadn’t_ hurt.  
“To be honest, I didn’ts think abouts that part. Sorries.” Toys weren’t messy. Too late now, so Toki just shrugged. “Wipes yourself off and let’s go tells them.” He tossed Nathan the dirty shirt he’d just wiped his dick on.

“NOOO!” Nathan took and used the shirt, but didn’t want to go _tell_ the others. This wasn’t the sort of thing you talked about.  
“You knows they’s probably right outsides the door tryings to listen anyway, nots like you can avoids them.”  
Sadly, this was almost certainly true. They had thick doors though, surely little or no sound had made it to the other side?  
Toki was already dressed, waiting on him.

There was nothing he could do. Nathan put on his clothes, hoping like hell he was done with the leaking part. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door so quickly that Skwisgaar and Pickles (he was awake now) nearly fell in.  
Straightening up, they tried to look nonchalant. Pickles ruined it by smirking. “So ya rally let him do it ta ya?”  
“He uh, tied me up!”  
“Pfft. Oh ja we believes dat, because Toki could totalies overpowers you.”  
“Noes, I really ties him up. But he tells me to does it! Something about nots killing me...”

They all went back out to the main room, where Murderface was still on the couch. Trying to listen had been too gay for him, and he’d been sure he’d find out anyway. “Scho did you two do it?”  
Toki grinned at him. “We totallies did it!”  
“Yeah, we did it, okay? And can we like, _not_ talk about this?” Nathan was still having trouble dealing with the fact that he’d really enjoyed it. Nobody knew that but Toki, and he wanted to keep it that way.

If it had been anyone else, the conversation would have surely continued. But Nathan was their leader, and they did have some respect for him. And he’d actually honored the bet, that took balls.  
Nathan was now glad he hadn’t won, there was a good chance he would have hurt them badly. He wouldn’t have known to do what Toki did to him. So it was probably better this way? “Let’s get drunk!” Getting drunk solved everything, right?  
That sounded good to everyone, so that’s what they did.  
And they _didn’t_ talk about it, because Nathan didn’t want to.


	2. Bet Your Ass- alt version: Nathan wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Nathan fucks everybody, but don’t worry, it’s funny. But it’s still porn. Also a little puke.

_*you enter this fic at a random point in conversation*_

“Some warriors, somewhere, used to do that. Fuck their enemies in the ass after a battle. I can’t fucking remember where I read that, but they did.”  
“I schaw that too! That’sch probably why we tell people to ‘watch their assch’, becausche of that.”  
Dude, what ‘bout ‘ya bet yer ass’, what’s thet ‘bout? The same thing or, ya know, donkeys or sahmthin’?”  
Toki found that one funny. “Don’ts lose you’s donkey, Pickle!”

Nathan wasn’t going to be sidetracked that easily. “No! I bet it’s like, you say that because that’s the most serious bet you can make? And if you lose, you get ass raped or something? That’s really brutal. So brutal that I would make that bet!” He looked around at them all. “Would you do it, would you make that bet? Like... in a contest or something?”  
“That’sch repugnant!” Murderface crossed his arms and glared.  
“What’s the matters, Moiderface? Too brutals for you?” Murderface glared harder, Toki shrugged. “I’d does it.”

Well if _Toki_ would risk it, how could they all do any less?  
“Fines den, I ams in too.” If sex was involved he didn’t say no.  
Pickles raised his bottle. “Okie.”  
They all looked at Murderface. He looked back, clearly not wanting to agree but feeling he had no choice now. He managed a nod.

“Well if we’re goin’ ta do this, what’s tha contest?” This would have probably been a good thing to know ahead of time, but it was too late for that now.  
Nathan thought fast, wanting it to look fair but be something that he could win. “Um... Eating! I’ll make something horrible, the worst thing I can think of! And all you have to do is eat more of it than me! I bet you won’t.”  
Nobody looked scared, if Nathan would eat it then it couldn’t be all that bad. And if Nathan _wouldn’t_ eat it, then they just won by default. They all nodded agreeably.

Nathan stood up. “Okay, you bet your ass. Like, literally. If I win, I get to fuck you, _all_ of you. If you win... well, I guess you get to fuck me. But that’s not going to happen!”  
“Don’ts be so sures Nathans, you’s met some of de tings dat _I_ eats.” Skwisgaar could eat GMILFs for dinner and cough up a grey hairball afterwards. He was sure the others couldn’t match that feat.  
As usual, they all ignored his comment, not wanting to picture that.   
“I’ll be back.” Nathan headed for the kitchen to see what he could find.

****

They waited until they were sure he couldn’t hear them.  
“Okie guys, let’s rally fuck with ‘is head. Let’s all lose on purpose.” Pickles was sorting through a handful of pills, searching for the one he wanted. He finally picked out a little diamond shaped blue one. “Heh, found one. I didn’t think I was outta these.”  
“What’s that, Pickle?”  
“Viagra. ‘Cause I don’t think he can go four times inna row without sahm help.” He started crushing the pill with his glass.

“Picklesch? Why do you even have that, ischn’t that for really old guys?”  
“Well it’s naught a secret thet I gat whiskey dick a latta tha time.” Everybody knew about that, even the press.  
“Scho you take old guy medicine? That’sch not very metal.”  
Toki shrugged. “I don’ts know, I think gettings laid is pretty metal no matter what you takes to does it.”  
“Look, it’s naught a big deal. I’m gettin’ older an’ I drink way too much. If I wanna fuck, I need a little help sahmtimes.”

“Heys, I has a cock ring, dat will helps too.” Skwisgaar whipped out a thin strap and laid it on the table. The others just looked at him, wondering why he carried that around with him.  
Murderface, being by far the most homophobic, had to object. “I don’t want to get fucked by Nathan!”  
“Oh shuts up you bigs baby, it ams not dat bad. Right Pickle?”  
“Yeah, yeah. You’ll be jest fine. In fact... ya should go first.” Pickles dumped the now pulverized pill in Nathan’s abandoned beer.

“Why schould I go firscht?!”  
“Now ams not de time to be chickens out, Murderfaces, now ams de time to shines.”  
“Why do you all keep usching that line on me?!”  
“Dude, ‘cause it werks! ‘Sides, yer ass jest might make him give up.” Pickles shrugged. “But I gat sahmthin’ I want ya ta say...” He leaned close and whispered in his ear.  
Toki smacked the table to get their attention. “Shuts up, shuts up! He’s coming!”  
Doing their best to act worried, they waited.

****

Nathan returned, carrying a plate piled high with brown, crusty, log-like things with green crap stuck to them. He proudly set it in the middle of the coffee table. Grabbing his beer, he drained it.  
“What tha fuck is thet?”  
“Uh, chocolate covered turkey bacon. With capers. If any of you can eat more of them than me, you win. If I eat more then you, your asses are mine! Oh, and if you puke you lose.”  
They all looked closer, the plate was emitting a very odd aroma. The chocolate smell mingled with the crappy turkey bacon odor (Whose was that anyway? They didn’t eat it.) and the strong pickled olive stink of the capers clashed horribly with both. They probably tasted as bad as they smelled.

Murderface turned a greenish shade as he eyed the turd-ish, dick-shaped foods. He wasn’t even going to have to pretend to lose.  
Skwisgaar wasn’t looking so good either. “I don’t tink dis ams a very good ideas afters all...” But he had to at least try to eat it, to make it convincing  
“Too late Skwisgaar, you agreed! You _all_ agreed!”  
Pickles just took a drink and nodded.  
Only Toki seemed to be okay with it (he was a bad actor), eyeing the chocolate. Shit, Toki... candy... he probably should have picked something else. Well, too late now.

“Everybody take one! We’ll like, eat them one at a time.” Nathan picked up a mossy meat log, and waited until everyone was holding one. Then he took a bite, trying not to gag, and watched the others. It was worse than he’d expected, the bacon wasn’t fully cooked, a soft greasy twist entombed in cheap chocolate. And the capers... they were just disgusting.  
Murderface tried, but he just couldn’t force himself to actually put that monstrosity in his mouth. It was the shape that was getting to him, as Nathan had known it would. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t even take one bite. He flung it away.

Skwisgaar bravely took a bite, but gagged on the combination of flavors. He managed to swallow, and forced down another bite. He was sweating, and looked like he might puke at any moment.  
Pickles simply crammed the whole thing in his mouth, and was holding his nose while he chewed. He swallowed, and washed it down with a big drink from his bottle.  
“Pickles, that’s cheating! You can’t chase it!”  
“Ya didn’t say-“ Nathan was glaring, “Fine, I won’t do it again.” It was going to be a lot nastier if he couldn’t burn the taste out immediately afterwards.

Toki ate his piece, he looked like he might actually enjoy the taste. Uh oh.  
Nathan had finished his, and Skwisgaar has somehow gotten the rest of his down. Time for another piece.  
Murderface was out, he’d moved to sit on the couch and watch. He still didn’t understand why he had to go first. They always did shit like this to him, it wasn’t fair!  
Nathan started on a new piece of horror, chewing determinedly.

Skwisgaar made it halfway before his stomach revolted. Staggering up he ran for the trash can and threw up. That was convincing. Wiping his mouth, he joined Murderface on the couch. It was down to Toki and Pickles now.  
Pickles used the same technique as before, holding his nose and eating as fast as he could. But without the alcohol chaser, it was clear that the aftertaste was getting to him.  
Toki seemed to be holding up, or else was just really good at hiding it. With him you never could be sure, but he did eat some pretty odd things sometimes...

Nathan hadn’t expected _any_ of them to eat these at all, much less being faced with eating a third one himself. But he was determined, losing was not an option. He took another piece and bit into it.  
It was then that Pickles pretended to pass out. He wasn’t nearly drunk enough for that, but didn’t think he’d puke so he saw no choice but to fake it. He’d ‘wake up’ soon.  
Toki and Nathan finished their pieces and picked up two more, glaring at each other across the table.

Murderface and Skwisgaar watched (Pickles had no view from under the table) the two of them eat those horrors. Toki was supposed to quit, why hadn’t he? They were getting worried now.  
Nathan noticed their worried looks, and assumed it was because they were afraid that Toki would lose. If they were worried, he must be doing better than he thought.  
Toki didn’t want to lose, he knew he could beat Nathan. But they were counting on him. He didn’t feel like puking (it didn’t taste _that_ bad to him), so he gave up and settled for spitting a well chewed wad on the table. “I quits!”

That was a little weird, but Nathan was just relieved to have won. Now he could stop eating! But he didn’t _really_ want to fuck them it had just been a threat.  
But if he didn’t really want to fuck them, why did he suddenly have a raging hard on?   
Pickles sat up, acting confused. “What’d I miss?”  
“Nots much, we ams jus waitings for Nathans to fucks us all nows.  
“Okie, Murderface goes first!”  
Determined, (damnit, he could do this!) Murderface dropped his shorts and bent over the couch.

Nathan actually cringed a little, but he had won and he had to collect. Right? The others watched curiously, waiting. Here? In front of them all?  
“Pfft, he can’t does it.”   
That did the trick. “Yes I fucking can!” Nathan undid his pants and shoved them down.  
Skwisgaar tossed a large bottle of lube at him. “Does it right and don’ts hurts him.”  
Murderface retrieved his wallet from the floor and pulled out some condoms. “Usch them!” He slapped them in Nathan’s hand.

Unsure where to start, Nathan reached out and poked one hairy butt cheek with his finger. Murderface rolled his eyes.  
Skwisgaar got up, retrieved the cock ring from the table, and expertly applied it before Nathan had time to react. He stared down at it questioningly.  
Pickles wanted to get things in gear here. “Murderface, say it!”  
“Fine! Schtick it to me, big boy.”

Feeling trapped (after all, he’d said he’d do it!), Nathan put on a condom and some lube. Maybe he could get away with just sticking it in?  
Nope, Skwisgaar was supervising. “You has to puts you’s fingers in him first or you ams going to hurts him!”  
“That’sch okay! ...I kind of like pain.”  
“I don’t think you wants ass pain, Moiderface. Makes him does it right!”  
With a groan, Nathan got some more lube and went to work at stretching.

They all watched closely, critiquing his technique.  
“You gots to spreads dem more...”  
“Ya sure ya gat ‘nuff lube?”  
“Wowie he’s gots a hairys asshole!”   
“Shut up! All of you! I know what I’m doing, okay? Girls uh, have assholes too!”  
At least Murderface was silent now. And probably about ready.

Murderface closed his eyes and let an assortment of women, men, and animals play through his mind. When Nathan stuck it in, it really didn’t even hurt. He was surprised.  
“How ya doin’ there, Murderface?”  
“It’sch not scho bad! No worsche than taking a big schit.” He decided to jack off, this was like being in the doctor’s office. He knew the all others would, and didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t. Peer pressure, he’d never learned to handle it.

Murderface came, but Nathan of course couldn’t. He stopped and pulled out, unsure of what to do.  
Skwisgaar stepped up. He’d decided he should go next because, when under pressure, Toki usually copied him. Normally he found this annoying, but wasn’t above using it to his advantage. Toki was the wild card, he couldn’t be badgered into doing it like Murderface, this looked like the best solution. “Puts on a new condoms and fucks me.” He bent over, tossing his hair back.  
And so it started again.

Not at all shy, Skwisgaar pushed back against Nathan’s fingers, working his own cock. “Comes on, Nathans! Dat ams goods enough, jus does it!”  
Skwisgaar’s ass was a hell of a lot more appealing that Murderface’s, so he was a lot less reluctant this time. And a lot less careful, assuming Skwisgaar could take it.  
Indeed he could, angling his hips for maximum pleasure. “Ooh Nathans, dat’s de spot right dere! Harders!”

Pickles was still making conversation. “So how is he?”  
“He coulds use some lessons, but he ams not too terribles.”   
Nathan just growled at that, and fucked him harder (if that was possible).  
Toki was watching them. It looked like it should hurt, but Skwisgaar acted like he was really enjoying it. “Hey Nathan? You thinks maybe you’s being a little too roughs with him?”  
“Shut up Toki, you’re next!”  
Toki shut up.

Once Skwisgaar was finished, a still very horny and unsatisfied Nathan stood waiting for Toki to take his turn.  
A little worried, Toki dropped his pants. Skwisgaar did it, he could do it too.  
Skwisgaar noticed his hesitation. “Pfft, you can’t does it as goods as me.” That pretty much guaranteed that Toki would put on a show.  
“Ja I cans!” Determined now, he wiggled his ass at Nathan. “So you’s going to fucks me, or whats?”  
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna fuck you.”

Nathan changed the condom again, and relubed. He was getting impatient with the fingering part, they were all clearly a bunch of sluts anyway. He went to work, trying to move things a little quicker this time.  
That worried Skwisgaar a little. “Toki? Ams you doesing okays?”  
“Ja, fines. Feels strange though.” He wasn’t exactly used to jacking off in front of his bandmates with a couple fingers up his ass. But Skwisgaar did it...

Unlike Murderface, Toki made an attempt to actively participate as Nathan fucked him, and it didn’t take him too long to finish.  
Nathan was confused and extremely frustrated, having no idea why he couldn’t just cum already, he really wanted to. (He’d never used a cock ring before and didn’t know it was to blame.) One left, Pickles was his last chance  
Pickles ambled over. Having not bothered taking any Viagra of his own, he was planning to just take one for the team.

Nathan ripped off his condom and replaced it. Was it the condoms? Was it because they were guys? One last ass, one last chance.  
After another quick fingering job, he stuck it in.  
Pickles, feeling quite evil, couldn’t resist. “Is it in yet?”  
Nathan looked horrified, the others laughed in surprise. Only Pickles...  
“YES IT’S IN!”  
“Dude, I _know_! I was jest fuckin’ with ya! Hey Skwisgaar! I think ya better cut ‘im loose now!”

Nathan was trying to figure out what he meant by that when Skwisgaar suddenly unsnapped the cock ring and whipped it off. Nathan came like an explosion (heh, because he _is_ one!). So that little strap had been the problem this whole time?   
That didn’t explain why he didn’t seem to be going soft now, like usual. He sat on the couch, avoiding the wet spots, and contemplated this.

The show over, the others began to wander off.  
Murderface headed to take a shower, not that he told anyone. If they decided that butt sex was how to get him to bathe...  
Skwisgaar headed for his room, and Toki not having any idea what to do now, left too.  
Pickles patted Nathan on the shoulder. “If it doesn’t go down inna couple hours, go ta tha doctor.” Then he too wandered out.  
Nathan just sat there half naked, staring at his dick. He’d won, so why didn’t it feel like it? But he wasn’t ever going to make that bet again, because this had just all been too weird.  
Yeah.


End file.
